Fat as fuck and out of shape

[Powertard]

Urrrgghhhh

I'm back

After my year+ long EQ frontloaded crying child involved mental breakdown I am finally mentally-ish well again!

And I haven't trained all year

I spent the entire year on anxiety medications freaking out not even entering a gym living off of junk food. Being an idiot I turned to chocolate bars and cakes and muffins and things lol to make myself feel better and got myself into the same rut which caused my obesity at age 17...

SOOOOO

I'm 95 Kg now....a bad 95 Kg. A fat as fuck 95 kg.

Not bodybuild fat...not BDD fat...legitimately clinically fat.

I'm over 35% bodyfat that is for sure and I am DEPRESSED.

In one year I went from 100 Kg 10% to frickin 95 Kg like 40% I absolutely hate myself this is like 3 years of hard work gone down the drain thanks to my silly depression sitting about in my room soothing my hurt feelings with muffins.

SO I need this fat off me fast and I need to rebuild.

I'm unsure of what to really do...I have very little lean tissue on me. I am fat so I cannot bulk and I cannot really cut very much because I am light AND fat.

I have no ideas here it's like I have nowhere to go.

I don't really want to use TREN. My mental state isn't up for it.

Trestolone would be good but because I am fatter than fuck I will need HEAVY AI.

Basically I need a way to get this fat off of me fast so I can rebuild some type of physique with the scraps I have left.

[mad4it]

Hi mate

Tren def sounds like a no go area for you, have you tried Primo ?
Needs to be run high but nowhere near the sides you get from tren.
You should get some Lean clean gains from that, your estrogen levels will be fine with primo to so no bloat/water weight
Issues with that.
You will with the test though so just keep on top of your AI intake



No quick fix though mate for the fat loss, add t3, clen maybe to your cycle
Or one of MTS pro oils that helps shed the weight
BUT YOU NEED TO GET YOUR ASS TO THE GYM 6 DAYS A WEEK if you want this weight gone within months

keep us updated

regards T

[Powertard]

I was thinking 25 mg ED trestolone with 25 mg EOD Exemestane. I have a tonne left.

I respond very well to trest

Then a 50 75 50 T3 taper

[Powertard]

omfg I've given myself obesity at age 20

[Drako]

Omg get help.. You are clearly not in the position to use aas...
Fix your mental problems and then consider using them..

[Powertard]

I'm clearly mentally stable

[Drako]

You are FAR away from stable....

[Powertard]

I was being facetious

My mental state isn't good at all

I am about to get professional help, at last (yay)

Don't worry, I am not taking anything until I get help, I am not that reckless (anymore)

[BobbyC]

Good luck man.

[Chriss]

You can cut/bulk on any type of gear, keep away from Tren until you're more stable which doesn't seem like anytime soon. Id say start on some test because test makes everyone feel better then maybe some NPP or something later down the line. Id say keep away from orals until your BF is lower or it will only regain once u come off them.

[Nobroscience]

At least there is something called muscle memory, It won't be so hard to achieve that shape again, just start somewere! Maybe start to eat properly again and train, even before taking any aas.

[Powertard]

Well we had a good session with a personal trainer today

Stuff is going good

[mad4it]

Good to hear mate

Keep it up and keep us updated

Regards T

[Powertard]

Argh fuck me lol what have I dddoonneee

Made a 110 kg bench

I'm on 150 mg a week test e that's it decided anything else with the shape I'm currently in I'll probably keel over lol it's irresponsible to add any potential health risks into my current out of conditioned l healthed body

[mad4it]

Not bad man

Good idea just using the test for now 💪

[Powertard]

Do I want custard cremes or do I want to be not obese

[Powertard]

Somehow my blood pressure is normal

[mad4it]

Need to cut out all that crap food man

You will feel much better for it

[Powertard]

Had a good workout today and I walked 8 miles

I WILL SUCCEED DAMMIT

[cfitness]

Hi mate, Im new posting on here but good to hear things are looking up for you. Defo a good idea sticking with test only for now, keep the diet in check and smashing the workouts

[Powertard]

Walked another 8 miles today

[THE COACH]

Read through some of your old posts and one thing I noticed is how you tend to sway from extremes to extreme. You have a penchant for making these very big (and unsustainable) lifestyle changes only to have a breakdown and relapse into your old habits a short time later. I suggest finding something you can adopt and adapt into your lifestyle - things you can see yourself consistently doing pretty much without feeling much, if any, disruption in your life. You shouldn't be making changes that lead you to feel like you're giving up or sacrificing your life and sanity away.

Remember, choose the little bits of effort that add up to big results over the big and sudden changes you can't see past the week.

[Powertard]

Yes that was always my motto a small change over a large period of time is a big result

But I have to sort this out. I had a dexa scan done, I'm not 40% I'm actually 27.8% at 93.7 Kg which is just my body dysmorphic view playing into me again

I have to get this sorted ASAP and I don't have a job ATM so I can commit all my time...Being 21 years old and verging on class 1 obesity is a big deal; it isn't a vanity thing any longer rather literally k have to do all and everything to turn back now otherwise at the least I'll spend the best years of my life fat and in poor health.

I loathe myself for doing this again

It was elements of self Sabotaging behaviour..I felt that I didn't deserve my best (90 Kg 8%) because of my low self esteem so I push it away

Anyway

Moving forward already added some size and cut some fat

Honestly I'm past the whole being big thing it isn't worth the hastle

I got as big as 103 kg 12% at 171 when I was 19 on 1.2 g test 800 deca 30 dbol 50 adrol and 4 IU HGH and honestly it was horrible living that way all out of breath worrying abour ur health all the time from hormone sides

I'd much rather be 80-90 kg 10% bf on minimal hormones like 100 mg eod test tren mast Eod MAX and cruise on 200 mg a week and keep my sanity and health

[Powertard]

-1% body fat in 4 days :)

[Powertard]

Did benching today and bent floor rows and some kettle ball stuff

[GODZILLA]

steady pace wins the race. make a plan and stick to it, use our quality products, eat well and according to goal and do cardio and get laid to de-stress and go travel some and enjoy life outside. all these together and guaranteed you will have a more happier life and look much much better. good mind and body and soul

[Powertard]

I'm only 21 plenty of time to get a good body

shame I had one and ruined it

it happens so quickly with this, I mean you fall into this sedate lifestyle you get into these habits "I'll have an extra bit of my gran's roast that was nice" I'll have that extra few oreos i'll that extra slice or two of pizza I haven't tried these before I wonder what they are like and you see yourself gaining weight but it's okay because you still look good/alright so you say "tomorrow" then tomorrow doesn't come and it happens it literally weeks one moment you are okay the next moment you have a very real problem

anyways

I've gained back a Kg of LBM and lost a little bit of fat over those 4 days accounting for the 1% drop

BEST recomp/cut I ever did was 25% at 96 kg to 88 kg 8% in 16 weeks it was a livig hell lol

I'm not that psychobiologically adept anymore however. I couldn't do that again I was verging on a nervous breakdown due to the ectopic stress from all the training and hormone abuse and extreme cardio etc

[Powertard]

It's pretty funny really out of all the things in this world that could have ruined my life...it wasn't alcohol it wasn't drugs it wasn't a bad relationship it wasn't a bankrupcy it wasn't my histroy of taking upto 400 mg/d of anadrol no it's doughnuts and creme cakes and chocolate bars and oreos lol

[Powertard]

Walked 5 miles today just getting that cardio up

Still on just 150 mg/w test

Just keeping in mind hat even though I look like shit any movement is good for the body..even when out of shape and going for a walk I'll still get the metabolic benefits of it

[Powertard]

This would be so much easier if I had a girlfriend or something, most/all of the social benefits of being all big and shit aren't even there when you have Asperger's, so you let yourself go down this weight gain road and it just all compounds into eachother.

I mean life is already shit enough then you gain 25% bodyfat in a frickin' year lol and have no real motivation to get back

[Powertard]

http://imgur.com/a/eiExe

Sucks to look back at this

19 year old me

[mad4it]

You need to just pick yourself up mate
And keep looking at the pic and aim to get back to that point

You are your worst enemy and need to start thinking positive my friend

Keep training hard and it will come

[Powertard]

You are right, I need to be more positive

I put my self down far too much

[Powertard]

Lots more walking today and I avoided the free cake and cheese samples in the supermarket :P

[Powertard]

haha why do my threads get so many views? Guess I'm notorious for being a sideshow or something

More walking today.

[mad4it]

You will find mate that most wont have a clue what to say to you without sounding like a cunt

Well done frome staying away from the crap food

Chin up and keep working towards your goal

And rule number1 for you is.....stop putting yourself down man

[Powertard]

yes I am aware of this. I am completely aware of this. I sound like an idiot.

[Van]

Hello Powertard. Good to see you back. I'm a new member here and I saw all your posts from all over the place on the products as well as the post you made saying you've quit the lifestyle for a year or so and wouldn't be back or something.

Anyhow you're here now. Means you've managed to get back on the correct rail tracks. Might not be in the perfect direction but its a good start haha.
Im like you; a younger enhanced user. I've been training with various different friends here and there and noticed that not only strength training as you've stated that fucked you up, but very high volume of training 2h sessions is another way to fuck yourself up. I have a friend whos a natural who has been doing this and currently in the chiropractor as well as the doctors advising him to stay out of the gym for 6 months... Anyhow I want to thank you for your earlier story you've shared with us in the past. I've forwarded it to him actually and he said "wow I was just basically in his footsteps in a similar way"

Also I'd like to inbox you about your past experiences for information purposes. Would like to hear your view on things.
Good luck with the cut!

[GODZILLA]

This would be so much easier if I had a girlfriend or something, most/all of the social benefits of being all big and shit aren't even there when you have Asperger's, so you let yourself go down this weight gain road and it just all compounds into eachother.

I mean life is already shit enough then you gain 25% bodyfat in a frickin' year lol and have no real motivation to get back

dont wait for life to knock on your door and invite you. this will literally never happen. life is what happens when you wait for it. you have to be determined, have a plan and clear method HOW to get to that plan and then execute it step by step. nothing in life is gotten for free or easy. dont be your own enemy. see things positively and move forward

[Powertard]

Yes I do need to stop this self sabotaging self defeating behaviour.

[Powertard]

Rode my bike 8 miles today... to my nan's
Who is making a cheesecake

Pantry stocked up with biscuits and cakes and stuff

I'm trying to make light out of this :P

I was good and had an apple.

[Powertard]

I also walked 8 K today :)

[mad4it]

that's it dude

knuckle down and burn off that unwanted weight:cool:

[Powertard]

I benched 130 Kg today with a pause easily on my chest
it was very funny...there awas this fitness chick all in like wearing all the fancy clothes and I came in with my crappy tracksuit and stuff pissing around and she was doing her bench max all super seriously and did 75 Kg then I came over and just randomly started slapping on uneven plates until I got to 130 Kg benched it really easy with like a 5 second pause the laughed as it was coming up and she looked at me like "wtf" then stomped off out the gym it was the funniest shit I've ever seen just imagine this borderline looking untrained fat guy doing a perfectly executed speed bench with 130 Kg

still got that neural firing :)

[jimmylkw]

round is a shape too! take care and smash those weights

[Powertard]

lol it was just pure leverage abuse really man

[Powertard]

had bowel specialist today...basically I have really bad IBS-C lol
Like really bad IBS C

All physiologic markers are normal, however.

Inflammatory markers etc all gtg so apparently it's just psychosomatic

[Powertard]

Hahah more fatty antics

today that fitness chick was doing clean and press and she managed 50 Kg then I waddled up and worked upto 90 kg and she got upset again

[Powertard]

Walked 10 miles today and I did some overhead pressing and bicep curls.

Did 4x8 50 kg OHP easily then 4x12 OHP all really slow because I'm paranoid about getting injured at this crossroads in my life.

Any tear could send me spiralling into permanent obesity due to LBM wasting and inability to train so I am taking this easy; no more fatty troll antics. I shall not be bothering the fitness girl any longer with my hilariously somewhat decent untrained maxes anymore no matter how tempting and funny it is.

[Powertard]

Tried some ACV and bicarb of soda...seems to be helping

[BigRobP]

I benched 130 Kg today with a pause easily on my chest
it was very funny...there awas this fitness chick all in like wearing all the fancy clothes and I came in with my crappy tracksuit and stuff pissing around and she was doing her bench max all super seriously and did 75 Kg then I came over and just randomly started slapping on uneven plates until I got to 130 Kg benched it really easy with like a 5 second pause the laughed as it was coming up and she looked at me like "wtf" then stomped off out the gym it was the funniest shit I've ever seen just imagine this borderline looking untrained fat guy doing a perfectly executed speed bench with 130 Kg

still got that neural firing :)

theres the answer to your girlfriend issues .... start by talking to her about her lifts and then ask her if she would like to train with you , instead of her getting mad and stomping out the gym she might end up taking some of that stress out on you ! ;)

Im a manic depressive so i know how hard this shit can be but keep on pushing and keep on being positive man !

[Powertard]

hehehehhehehe

tbf a chubby girl was mirin in the back and looked receptive

Like chubby but not obese chubby like thick cute chubby would/10

[Chris GW]

This thread lol...you're a real character. Glad to see you are making progress...btw if you want a girl you need to start liking yourself before anyone else will.

I respect your efforts :)

[CWWong]

Hey Power, is this (http://www.reddit.com/r/aspergers/comments/6id3uu/had_my_life_ruined/)you?

If you need someone to talk to, I can be reached by PM. No judging. However, you might want to consider seeing a professional about this. Hope all is well.

God bless.