Leaving for a while, perhaps forever

Hi

Still alive

I have let my training dominate my life and damage my body and health.

Everything in my whole life has gone to ruin over the past year due to crappy circumstances and poor choices on my behalf...many poor choices. Seems a few have their hands over the self destruct button all their lives.

Need to get a more healthy perspective on reality.

Thank-you to everybody who has helped me here and been positive. You are all wonderful but I let the negative few in my life drive me into the ground.

Finacat was amazing to me, if you read this, thanks a lot. I want the other forum members to know he is a great guy.

Hope you all are good. Thanks a lot, everybody.

Bodybuilding gave me a tonne of happiness. If was the best thing that ever happened to me. I love it more than anything. I love you guys more than anything, too.

It's time, sadly, to give it all a rest. I cannot sustain it anymore physically and financially. I wish I could. I am deeply depressed over my loss of my wonderful favourite activity and I don't think I'll ever move on from it.

Please take a leaf from my book, any young guys here, listen to the ******** bible. DON'T lift heavy ALL the time like I did. Listen to your body. Nurse your injuries if you get one. Never push yourself past your limits...it isn't worth that extra rep to snap your tendons up. I used to think I was all hardcore and proud grinding out those extra few reps, longevity is key. I got to a high level fast and peaked but at what cost? To never sustain it and completely wreck my health in the process.
My future is bleak and poor in terms of health. I now require painkillers simply to get out of bed in the morning. A good day for me is when I can feel my pelvis move and when I can walk properly. I look forward to the breif moments in the day my cervical spine is in good enough condition so I can actually turn my head fully to the left. I'm 20 years old...a kid..and a good day for me is when I can turn my head to the left. I really regret my arrogant immature decisions of the 17 year old version of myself. People warned me but I was too far stuck up my own ass to listen to people and take it on board. This is all my own doing.

This is a lifestyle, not a hobby, not a passtime. You need to be able to keep this going for as long as you can. Hopefully you'll have many many many years of great workouts and fun times.

Keep on truckin'...safely.

Once you've spent your health you have NOTHING. N-O-T-H-I-N-G.

Being big and strong for 5-10 years is not worth living the rest of your life in physical misery.
Do it safely and responsibly or not at all.

If you have any body dysmorphic problems, please seek therapy before you drive your physical state into the ground.

Hoping you all take care and I'll one day rejoin you all.

Cya guys. Hoping I'll survive this.
Literally don't believe that a crying kid causing 5 months sleep deprivation triggered all this.

A life ruined/severely set back.

Just wondering when something will go right for me for a long enough time scale to enjoy it!

Sorry to hear your health is so bad...wishing you the best. Thanks for the advice on the newbie forum.

All my own fault

When I had the privilege of being on ********, eeeevvveerrryyone warned me.

Hell my ban message was "sort your life out before you fuck it up."

This is where arrogance and immaturity , self delusion paired with unrealistic goals/standards and unsustainable lifestyles gets you. Nowhere...less than nowhere...backwards!

I just find this horrible really. I worked my absolute ass off for my life and came from nothing. I had a job at GCHQ which took me years to get...an awesome body that took years to get...member of an awesome online community...my injuries were nearly healed.

Then this crying baby/5 months sleep deprivation drives my mental state into beyond nothing then everything is gone. No job, therefore: No flat, no medical treatment, no gym, no hormones, no food money...friends start dwindling away due to depression. All gone. Years of work. YEARS of dedication, time, effort, money, sacrifice. All gone in a few weeks. Nothing left. Desperately unfair.
Fucking £27.5k Starting with a free home and car. Gone. All gone. Brilliant physique...gone. Brilliant injury healing...gone.

All I have is ready meals for food now and a ps2 to distract me from this. Cannot even train or so much go for a run. Tried to run today only for my back to kill me with pain and my legs started spasming due to the reference nerve irritation.

Literally have next to the worst life possible except I have a roof over my head....that might even be going soon.

20 years old, jobless, degenerated spine, overweight, autistic, tears/injury to most major tendons, friendless and shortly perhaps homeless too.

All due to this period of sleep deprivation.

Seriously my life has been absolutely ruined. All fallen to pieces.

You guys are like a family to me. I really love you all.

Cya around! :)

I hope you all progress towards your goals!!

Hopefully...oneday...I'll reach mine...and I'll be happy...and I'll appreciate it!

Really do want to emphasise how great finacat and his fiancée were to me.

If they read this, I am deeply sorry I wasted your effort. I am sorry.

Just appreciating the scraps of a life I have left. I know if I don't then I'll lose that too

You are correct

Unfortunately there wasn't anything going for rent at the time