So lipids etc are Good?
Very interested in a full metabolic pannel from you if you'd be kind enough to provide one. You are a very capable and gifted athlete it seems. You are doing great. Keep at it. Your body is a dream one and I only wish I had your capacity to achieve it for myself! Keep going and you'll get your dream of a pro card I'm sure. You are 21 with a body like this. Just keep your knee as safe as possible. Don't over exert it. Iirc with a patella injury you may end up with instability ending up with you causing damage to your patella tendon. Don't let that happen otherwise you're gonna be out for a long time.

Keep at it. you will go serious places I am sure of it.

My situation has regressed sadly. I am getting mental health support now but I fear it might be late

It seems I have suffered what is known as "autistic burn out" where a combination of exceptional stressors end up causing emotional and physical exhaustion to the point of mental collapse. Apparently it can take years to recover from.

Things that happened to me to trigger this:

Lost my job I worked my ass off for 2 yrs to get
Therefore lost my house
Therefore lost my medical treatment so my back injury regressed
Therefore chronic pain
House I was in was poorly insulated so I was freezing cold all the time and didn't while dieting in winter to 7% so I was freezing cold
No car to go to gym in so took a moped which took 50 mins to get to the gym while I am 7% bf in -5 degrees with it raining
Shitty neighbours partying waking me up throwing up outside my house
But the ultimate stressor was this crying infant which just did this really disturbing distressed whaling cry which made me stressed and worried and upset. The mother would shout "shut up " and swear which would make me even more worried so I was constantly worried about this poor child and it made me really anxious and sad for it and the crying kept me up all night breaking my sleep.
High eateogen and progesterone from test and tren gave me a weird reaction to the cry making me feel that I "had" to look after the child and made me feel distressed and worried and because I couldn't do anything to help it I was really fruaterated. It was such an odd thjng.
In addition to being on ttren and eq around Xmas time while dieting when and eq make a you hungry af while on tiny calories with all the feasts happening trying to stick to diet
In addition to tonnes of negative family issues that happened (illness in family and other stuff)
Lots of other misc stuff
This happened within the space of about 8-12 weeks all at once.
started hallucinating and shaking and legs and arms twigchjg and spazmjng due to the extreme stress. Got to the point I'd here that baby cry and I'd just drop what I was holding or collapse on the floor.

I had a breakdown now I seem to have lost a lot of skills and cannot seem to get back on track. Any minor stressor makea me flip out and then I spend the next day vegatative unable to do anything but sleep. Cannot even process information. It sucks badly.
For weeks and weeks I literally couldn't beven function. Just lay in bed couldn't even cook then would go to local takeaway get an entire pizza or a kebab have some of it then eat the rest Iovwr the next day and repeated that for like 8 weeks... eat it knowing full well it was like 4000-5000 calories and I legit sat around doing nothing so I was putting on like 3/4ths a lb of fat per day but I was so exhausted I cared but couldn't seem to do anything else.

Still in a deep rut which I seemingly cannot get out of which is deeply concerning considering I was always unusually motivated.s

Getting the help now but I am honest pretty far gone. Just frustrated that I kept begging for help before my mental state collapsed but I didn't get help until it got to the point where I have been nearly a vegetable for months on end.


Biggest issue by far is my mental state right now. Something has turned me into this....this...incapacitated vegative 5 year old incapable of basic tasks.

It's a shame. A mighty mighty shame. I was doing brilliant then as happiness was approached I got cut down and I seem to have the inability to climb back up.

It's almost like my soul has been sucked out of my body and I am this hollow chamber, like I have this hollow empty feeling in my chest stomach and head and my legs and arms feel heavy. I try and go for a walk and take in the scenery but nothing goes in like it feels like there is this blockaid between my eyes and brain it's like I see my surroundjgs but there is this film or something between my eyes and brain. I went for a walk the other day and just had a panic attack out of thin air and I wasn't even on any hormones apart from 200 test e.

Don't mean to sound dramatic but it really is like my psyche has been smashed and I've turened into an animal and doing what an animal does if it has nothing it needs to do to survive: moving as little as possible searching out for energy dense stuff and drinking water. Its a horrible feeling I desperately want to go and do what I want to do with my life but I literally cant right now I'm just seemingly hamatringed currently. Like I went and prepped a meal and I had to check the calories and macros etc 6 times on the packet cooked it wrong had a panic attack then went upstairs and passed out. It was horrible.

It's like my CNS has been totally fried.