All my own fault

When I had the privilege of being on ********, eeeevvveerrryyone warned me.

Hell my ban message was "sort your life out before you fuck it up."

This is where arrogance and immaturity , self delusion paired with unrealistic goals/standards and unsustainable lifestyles gets you. Nowhere...less than nowhere...backwards!

I just find this horrible really. I worked my absolute ass off for my life and came from nothing. I had a job at GCHQ which took me years to get...an awesome body that took years to get...member of an awesome online community...my injuries were nearly healed.

Then this crying baby/5 months sleep deprivation drives my mental state into beyond nothing then everything is gone. No job, therefore: No flat, no medical treatment, no gym, no hormones, no food money...friends start dwindling away due to depression. All gone. Years of work. YEARS of dedication, time, effort, money, sacrifice. All gone in a few weeks. Nothing left. Desperately unfair.
Fucking £27.5k Starting with a free home and car. Gone. All gone. Brilliant physique...gone. Brilliant injury healing...gone.

All I have is ready meals for food now and a ps2 to distract me from this. Cannot even train or so much go for a run. Tried to run today only for my back to kill me with pain and my legs started spasming due to the reference nerve irritation.

Literally have next to the worst life possible except I have a roof over my head....that might even be going soon.

20 years old, jobless, degenerated spine, overweight, autistic, tears/injury to most major tendons, friendless and shortly perhaps homeless too.

All due to this period of sleep deprivation.

Seriously my life has been absolutely ruined. All fallen to pieces.