Take notice what the two guys are telling you below.give yourself small goals each(perhaps a new years resolution)month to perhaps loose 7lbs approx.but don't just let the gear do it for you,adapt a better eating and training strategy(cardio).you seem to be living in the past and it's obviously on your mind with regards to the poundage your lifting.if your weights have gone down that much and your carrying that much weight
It must be bad weight.
Concentrate on changing your body composition for a period of around 6 months,I'm sure you will feel and look a lot better in yourself and not only that it will be healthier for you and give you a more positive frame of mind.
The guys on here will guide you through,you don't need big dosages,the gears spot on(even though you may think I'm biased),start taking it and thank me later.
All you need is some LEANGAIN and some orals(ANAVAR or TBOL)simple as that.start at 1ml EOD and 50mg of the oral split in two.
Assess yourself after 1 month,I guarantee if you adapt the other aspects I mentioned above you will be well on your way to loosing your first 14 pounds in one month!!