Gave in had some more chocolate

... yes I know. I fucked up.

I already steamed my brown rice for thr morning. Tin of tuna and some cheese spread is at the ready for breakfast. I actually prefer the tastr of brown rice to chocolate. ...it is just that rush you get when eatjng it. Fucking addictivrle. This ks why I cut sugar out. Cannot control it for some reason. Apparently thr autistic brain is hard wired to find sugar extremely addictive lol. Seriously look it up. Fucking genetics.

Brown rice at the ready then when finished that going out with flgrandad getting gym membership renewed getting tyres fitted for bike and jacking in my moped I was rentjng because it is fucking up my back going over potholes. Use my pushbike....build up cardio if I want to gk somewhere. No and I mean absolutely NO junk in house. No sugar no artificial sweeteners. Buy what I need for a few days that is it no calories around to overeat on full stop unless I fancy eating raw chicken breast and fucking myselr up but I don't think I'll be that desperate....fuck it probably will be if I will only just avoid smashing a raw egg in my mouth this morning.

Right. This HAS to stop NOW or I will end up obese and I don't mean bbing body dysmorphia obese I mean legit fucking actual obese as in like someone who waddles down the street obese out of breath. Like fucking full fatass. Easily and I mean EASILY could I shovel 8000+ kcal into me without properly attempting if I went totally unretricted. Fuck it honestly totally unrestrictdd and making a solid attempt to I could shovel 20000-25000+ down if I chose specific food items and just fucking went for it. Yes I know hiw much food volume wise of literally the most dense shit you can choose. It would mean literally a solid day of sitting on my ass eating jars of peanut butter pizza nutella cookies fast food etc. Yes it would be done and fuck it I could do it thr next day probably.

It is truly *that* bad. Never before have I experienced this. Rver. Even on thr harshest of diets...-1000 to -1500under tdee level low. It just has never happened. Even running a 1000 k al or more def I have been able to walk right past all ice cream cookies etc in the store all blowing air into my nose with fans behind them tempting me and never really gave it a second thought....the other day I was in thr same storr snd thrre was a broken chocolate egg on the ground someone stepped on and I nearly ate it infront of everyone.

Btw happy new year