Fat as fuck and out of shape

Walked another 8 miles today

Read through some of your old posts and one thing I noticed is how you tend to sway from extremes to extreme. You have a penchant for making these very big (and unsustainable) lifestyle changes only to have a breakdown and relapse into your old habits a short time later. I suggest finding something you can adopt and adapt into your lifestyle - things you can see yourself consistently doing pretty much without feeling much, if any, disruption in your life. You shouldn't be making changes that lead you to feel like you're giving up or sacrificing your life and sanity away.

Remember, choose the little bits of effort that add up to big results over the big and sudden changes you can't see past the week.

Yes that was always my motto a small change over a large period of time is a big result

But I have to sort this out. I had a dexa scan done, I'm not 40% I'm actually 27.8% at 93.7 Kg which is just my body dysmorphic view playing into me again

I have to get this sorted ASAP and I don't have a job ATM so I can commit all my time...Being 21 years old and verging on class 1 obesity is a big deal; it isn't a vanity thing any longer rather literally k have to do all and everything to turn back now otherwise at the least I'll spend the best years of my life fat and in poor health.

I loathe myself for doing this again

It was elements of self Sabotaging behaviour..I felt that I didn't deserve my best (90 Kg 8%) because of my low self esteem so I push it away

Anyway

Moving forward already added some size and cut some fat

Honestly I'm past the whole being big thing it isn't worth the hastle

I got as big as 103 kg 12% at 171 when I was 19 on 1.2 g test 800 deca 30 dbol 50 adrol and 4 IU HGH and honestly it was horrible living that way all out of breath worrying abour ur health all the time from hormone sides

I'd much rather be 80-90 kg 10% bf on minimal hormones like 100 mg eod test tren mast Eod MAX and cruise on 200 mg a week and keep my sanity and health

-1% body fat in 4 days

Did benching today and bent floor rows and some kettle ball stuff

steady pace wins the race. make a plan and stick to it, use our quality products, eat well and according to goal and do cardio and get laid to de-stress and go travel some and enjoy life outside. all these together and guaranteed you will have a more happier life and look much much better. good mind and body and soul

I'm only 21 plenty of time to get a good body

shame I had one and ruined it

it happens so quickly with this, I mean you fall into this sedate lifestyle you get into these habits "I'll have an extra bit of my gran's roast that was nice" I'll have that extra few oreos i'll that extra slice or two of pizza I haven't tried these before I wonder what they are like and you see yourself gaining weight but it's okay because you still look good/alright so you say "tomorrow" then tomorrow doesn't come and it happens it literally weeks one moment you are okay the next moment you have a very real problem

anyways

I've gained back a Kg of LBM and lost a little bit of fat over those 4 days accounting for the 1% drop

BEST recomp/cut I ever did was 25% at 96 kg to 88 kg 8% in 16 weeks it was a livig hell lol

I'm not that psychobiologically adept anymore however. I couldn't do that again I was verging on a nervous breakdown due to the ectopic stress from all the training and hormone abuse and extreme cardio etc

It's pretty funny really out of all the things in this world that could have ruined my life...it wasn't alcohol it wasn't drugs it wasn't a bad relationship it wasn't a bankrupcy it wasn't my histroy of taking upto 400 mg/d of anadrol no it's doughnuts and creme cakes and chocolate bars and oreos lol

Walked 5 miles today just getting that cardio up

Still on just 150 mg/w test

Just keeping in mind hat even though I look like shit any movement is good for the body..even when out of shape and going for a walk I'll still get the metabolic benefits of it

This would be so much easier if I had a girlfriend or something, most/all of the social benefits of being all big and shit aren't even there when you have Asperger's, so you let yourself go down this weight gain road and it just all compounds into eachother.

I mean life is already shit enough then you gain 25% bodyfat in a frickin' year lol and have no real motivation to get back

http://imgur.com/a/eiExe

Sucks to look back at this

19 year old me

You need to just pick yourself up mate
And keep looking at the pic and aim to get back to that point

You are your worst enemy and need to start thinking positive my friend

Keep training hard and it will come

You are right, I need to be more positive

I put my self down far too much

Lots more walking today and I avoided the free cake and cheese samples in the supermarket :P

haha why do my threads get so many views? Guess I'm notorious for being a sideshow or something

More walking today.

You will find mate that most wont have a clue what to say to you without sounding like a cunt

Well done frome staying away from the crap food

Chin up and keep working towards your goal

And rule number1 for you is.....stop putting yourself down man

yes I am aware of this. I am completely aware of this. I sound like an idiot.

Hello Powertard. Good to see you back. I'm a new member here and I saw all your posts from all over the place on the products as well as the post you made saying you've quit the lifestyle for a year or so and wouldn't be back or something.

Anyhow you're here now. Means you've managed to get back on the correct rail tracks. Might not be in the perfect direction but its a good start haha.
Im like you; a younger enhanced user. I've been training with various different friends here and there and noticed that not only strength training as you've stated that fucked you up, but very high volume of training 2h sessions is another way to fuck yourself up. I have a friend whos a natural who has been doing this and currently in the chiropractor as well as the doctors advising him to stay out of the gym for 6 months... Anyhow I want to thank you for your earlier story you've shared with us in the past. I've forwarded it to him actually and he said "wow I was just basically in his footsteps in a similar way"

Also I'd like to inbox you about your past experiences for information purposes. Would like to hear your view on things.
Good luck with the cut!

Powertard wrote:This would be so much easier if I had a girlfriend or something, most/all of the social benefits of being all big and shit aren't even there when you have Asperger's, so you let yourself go down this weight gain road and it just all compounds into eachother.

I mean life is already shit enough then you gain 25% bodyfat in a frickin' year lol and have no real motivation to get back

dont wait for life to knock on your door and invite you. this will literally never happen. life is what happens when you wait for it. you have to be determined, have a plan and clear method HOW to get to that plan and then execute it step by step. nothing in life is gotten for free or easy. dont be your own enemy. see things positively and move forward

Yes I do need to stop this self sabotaging self defeating behaviour.