restarting completely (2)

I don't mean to ruminate but every thing was going so well

Ah well.

Currently out cycling

Not giving up

8 weeks of hard work

I am just visualising what my body will feel like without the weight on me

talking to my grandad helps a lot too

Biked 5 miles to my grandmother's house

Lowering does
200 test 50 tren eod

Pathetic I even have tren in my body right now

Put it in just to minimise catabolism if something bad happened...which it did

Heh wow
Onken set yogurt is a new addition to my diet

350 kcal for a 500 g tub
Sooooo filling and it tastes amazing!

8 wks from now I have my integrety or I am an embarrassment to myself and my family.

Just praying nothing else goes wrong!

I'd be soooo close to my goal right now this very moment.

Omfg.

More crap to deal with.

I knew this could happen.

I have an intestinal bezoar from the husk.

All plans on hold
Could drop down dead within a weak from in my intestines going gangrene if it is that in worst case scenario.

I took an otc fibre supplement for 5 days and didn't drink enough water for a single day and this happens.
Why.

Right.

Think it's time to be pragmatic

This isn't working for me

My physical and mental state is abysmal, I am 20 yrs old with the health of an old age pensioner.

Realistically this is unsustainable. I cannot do what my body won't allow me to do. It just can't be done plain simple.

This is a bad state to be in health wise at any age let alone age 20

It's just not meant to be for the time being
I'll just focus on maintaining what I can for now keep my body fat as stable as I can while I work on my mental state and numerous serious injuries.

Drinking diet coke

It is apparently supposed to break it down

Small masses respond in 24 hours and within 3 days

I made my bed time to lay down in it. ALL of this was preventable

Just find it upsetting that I squat 300 Kg bench 180 Kg etc not get hurt...take lots of gear and I'm fine according to lots of medical exams...and then I go and fall on some ice and get a serious back injury and take 5 g of a fibre supplement with 250 ml of water and not 500 literally once and end up with severe GI issues.

Like I put myself in positions where I deserve to get hurt like lifting very heavy and I'm fine then I slip on ice and it costs me all my savings in medical costs. I take lots of anabolics etc...worst I got was puffy nipples and a little high BP occasionally and then I go and take some fibre from a health food shop and now I potentially need an operation on my bowels.
Going back to Dr tomorrow.

The whole scenario is a mess.

Really running out of mental stamina now.

I would be at my goal in a few weeks if it weren't for:
A) some knob clipping me on my bike in broad daylight wearing a reflective jacket and driving off
B) handlebar grip coming loose on my bike causing me to jar my spine
C)taking some fibre supplement with slightly less water than recommended literally once

I bet I'll have a small fragment of a meteor land on me tomorrow on the way to the Drs office ..but it won't hit me directly or somethjg no it will like clip my leg or big toe or something lol

What really gets to me is I know all the theory of how to get to where I need to.

I am educated in all the areas to do this...It is just my scenario, mental state and inability to accept my limitations that keeps screwing me up.

I really wish I could just put my brain inside someone else's body with the right physical qualities and just get to work. Like my friend for example...Really great build...good leverages thick bones no injures big hands wide clavicles. He is clinically obese and just moans about it. I try and give him advice and he just goes like "I don't want to lift weights though" went for a run with him before my back injury and he quit after not even barely trying and just went "I'm done" and walked home...and I am just Sat there in front of him like trying not to tear up because I'd do anything to be able to have the potential he does. I'd love to be able to run and jump about and lift properly and he just wastes himself eats pizza and complains he's like 40% body Fat. I have him a solid plan which would have got him to great shape in a year and he just tried it and then have up after 10 days and it wasn't even hard.

I'd be SO happy if I could just not have these limits. The happiest I ever was when I was broke had nothing apart from the gym and I'd just spend 3 hrs squatting at a time in pure bliss and the next day Sprint until I couldn't anymore and ride my bike and run.

Drs at 11:50

I had so many choices I could have made
I am in my position because of I made the wrong choices multiple times per day for weeks and weeks on end

Been prescribed movicol

Instructed to drink lots of water

This is a nightmare that I wish I could wake up from now

damn mate your anxiety and overthinking must be hard, dunno how uve taking the doses of gear you have in the past with equipose and tren and the like, either way lets think positive and be positive. your going to do this, even if it takes 10 years. slow and steady wins the race.

Trenbolone doesn't mess with me a huge amount under 100 mg ED...at >=100 mg ED I tend to be more impulsive, anxious and a bit easier to snap and lack of sleep

50 mg does little. Get hangry on low calories lol that is about it!

Eq...cannot take it.

Even low doses of it sends me off the rails anxious.

I'll never touch it again, it isn't for me.

Been to hospital

Xray of abdominal cavity

Looking like a phytobezoar

Not good

Just been instructed to do what I was doing, drink some cola.

This was going well initially
Argh.

Still cannot train because of it.

Wasting away now.

Just looking like a regular fat guy.

Sitting around cramping because of movicol.

Back to Dr today

Block cleared! 6 l of diet coke later and it seems to have broken it down!

Jeez .Makes you wonder what it does to your body...if it'll break down a mass that your body physically won't digest then what else does it do?