restarting completely advice needed

Okay
Cake binge not damaging. Looked at ingredients etc... 1500 kcal TOPs probably about 1000. Only had 540 beforehand

Just fill remains with whey protein.

Worst case is I gain muscle mass
No biggie

Back on track tomorrow!!
Did a 15 set leg workout so if I go 300-500 over today I just gain a small fraction of my legs back

Squatted 140 kg 5x5 only limited by pain in my si joint and it was fast.

After did 3x12 very narrow stance 80 kg.

Then 4x12 to fail leg ext and curls

Some calf raises too

Benched 100 kg 5x5 super fast and very easy!

90 s rest between sets

Followed by 80 kg 3x12 90 s rest between.

Then I got the 30 kg DBa and did 5x8 flat bench then incline bench. Some rope pulldowns to finish it off.

*sigh*

Got a bulk deal on mangoes 8 big onesfor £3.50.

Went hypo binged on 6 of them and almond butter.

5000 kcal probably.

New rule:

Nothing calorie dense in house
Buy food as is required per day ie 2000 kcal of food in house at one given time.

Ab pins gone.

Hmm. Ab pins are back but I have grown a tonne of lbm on my legs chest shoulders and tris.

Maybe my body is requesting the energy resources?

Visiting chiropractor today, hopefully fix that horrible SI joint pain!

Chiropractor noted l4-l5 is healing! Piriformis muscle healing too!

So happy
Might go get dunkin' donuts to celebrate jks

3 months hard work and I ought to be happy

Also did some research...autistics such as myself have different gi tract and gut fauna....the result is products containing gluten and casesin have a very strong opiate effect on the brain.

Perhaps my body is making me constantly hungry because it is trying to heal? Also I have grown even taller recently clavicles and hips have widened too. Perhaps my body is just wanting to grow and heal?

Also been looking at testosterone's ability to prevent muscle wasting.

One guy dieted on just 800 kcal for 4 mos started at like 255 36% ended up at 10% losing 70 lbs ..by dexa lbm went from 149.1 to 150.3 on 500/w test

180 kg dl like the bar

Did 200 but stopped there due to not wanting to hurt my back, it was I'd say about rpe 6-7
Prior did 5x5 140 kg easy as hell then 3x1160 kg literally like the bar

After did a tonne of bb rows supersetted with chins then db rows then lat pull down then hammer curls

And for the first time in months and months my back is feeling super nice! No tightness no crunching no leg length discrepancies no left calve paralysis. Maybe stuff is on the up for me after such a period of misery?

Upon further research....
I really think this is the root cause of my binge eating disorder.

I notice I never 'binge' on typical "comfort foods" like chocolate, nutella etc but actually foods heavy in gluten and casein! Annndd it is usually triggered by a physical pain response. My cravings for stuff like Greek yogurt (not normal yogurt), quark cheese, French bread, pizza, phillidelphia and such is always when my back is in significant pain. Whenever it gets manipulated by a physio and it doesn't hurt the cravings stop regardless of calorie deficit or not.

Perhaps my brain is craving the opiate activities of these products to dull the chronic pain? I do notice that hwhen my diet is high inbthese products my pain tolerance is very high

Haha first time laying in bed in MONTHS where i can actually sleep on my right side and without a heatpad strapped to my back.

Lumbar spine feels super weird. It is like this weird fluid feeling inside my back...but it is really pleasant. Like some type of movement feeling and it feels like there is water running down the inside of my spine. Such a great day. First fun workout in multiple months. Had a fun bike ride.in t&e Sun and now.I get to sleep properly it seems for the first time in a long time.

Happy!

Now I'm more motivated and.not in pain if it carries on i will be Abe to cut calories lower because.I won't be thinking to myself "this hurts why am I doing this" as I train.

If I really pushed I could get this cut done in 8 wks if I really suffered. Could do 1350 kcal non training 1650 training 1800 once a week or so and my bmr won't drop hastily then.

Shoulders tomorrow!

So happy

Really great shoulder session! Because my leg length discrepancies are normalized now I can exert much more force on the bar because the load is level on my shoulders.

Did 75 kg 5x5 very easy then 90 kg x 1 like speed work on strict standing ohp. I then did 3x8 60 kg. Then dicked about on the Smith machine at a 90 degree then 60 degree incline for 3xf at 8-12 with 65 kg then did lots of sets of 5 with 25 kg dbs on the incline bench then lots of lat pulldowns simply because the feeling of my scapulas actually moving correctly felt outstandingly pleasant.

Really hope my back stays this way! It is like living in a different body!

A gopd -50 points taken from the depression scale I think.

Can't remember the time I was this pain free!

Felt so great about my pain free body I just Went and did a quick 2nd pump style shoulder workout!!

Ffs..

Riding my bike doing cardio....

Some dickhead driver decides to try and go in between an oncoming car and me on the bike. Veers away from the car into me. Clips my leg and knocks me off my bike.

Now my back is bad again.

Just sped off too.

Why does this shit always happen to me? Why do I always get a moment cruel taste of happiness then someone takes it from me.

I was right over on the left wearing a reflective jacket for fuck sake.

Lying in bed in pain.

Back to physio I suppose. Yet another £30 gone.

Found a cool unusually filing desert

Whey protein with psylium husk with a small amount of water in to make a mouse.

Tastes good and is legit satiating somehow

Eh. Woke up. Back isn't that bad anymore. Leg length discrepancies present once more.

Just will have to muscle through it and keep in mind fat loss will help it out.

Sigh.

Eh modifying diet

Just eat my favourite meal to keep me motivated 4 x a day which is 50 g oats, 60 g chocolate whey or pancake flav whey on top as a sauce, 75 g blueberries 1 tsp flaxseed oil and 1 egg white. Decent enough meal. Put some cinnamon on it too. Really nice.

5g-20 g phyllium husks between meals.

Edit: also loading up on selenium magnesium potassium and multi vits

Ordered chocolate cake flavour whey and cheesecake flavour whey too.

Multiple different tastes also I can interchange between raspberry and blueberries. If I want something savoury I'll make oats spinach bell pepper and lean beef.

Very cheap too