restarting completely advice needed

[Powertard]

Hello

Basically used to be a fat bastard.. well more like a morbidly obese bastard at age 17... 45 inch waist on me by the minimum probably higher...at 5 ft 6...about 50% body fat by looking at photos.

Got that way due to a horrible binge eating habit. Broke out of it and did strength training and cut down to about 20% bf in a year and then just bulked had a huge rebound in strength got to a 300 kg belt only squat and was about 30% bf

Fell over got injured so decided to do bbing and get lean. Got on teen for ages and bulked and cut religiously weighing all food etc and before Xmas I got down to 7% body fat!! I was ** starving** hungry and injured to he'll with torn tendons and due to not being able to train properly and essentially been in prep for 16.wks at this point doing 90 mins very high volume training 4 x A week cArdio 2x a day at times only on 1800 kcal a day most days with a 3400 maint I heading towards a complete binge my face off with all the food around at Xmas.

So basically Xmas happened and I consumed about 30,000 or more calories over the space of like 3 days regained like 7 kg of pure fat. Got back to the gym felt like shit got laughed at and fell off the wagon big time.

Haven't trained since New year. I never missed a single day in all the time I did it. Ever. I weighed all of my food for a yr straight.

I am now obese again after falling back into bad habits and my gains have wasted away.

Currently weigh 97 kg 173 cm barely any lbm on me at all. Looks like a fat guy that has never even entered a gym.

Now... Just wondering... I have the muscle memory. Biggest I was 96 kg 10% bf 171 cm tall ( grew an inch**recently). I don't want to live this way.

I am terrified of going back to the gym again...went swimming other day got laughed at by a group of kids for having moobs.

Just wondering if I could recomp slowly? Say if I do a high vol 4 day split get on 50 mg/d tren ace 250 mg w test e
2000 kcal a day.
Must be 40% right now. Yes I am disgusted and consumed with guilt right now.

Any chance of 15 % bf in a year?

[BBJMD]

Any chance of 15 % bf in a year?

Of course there is, you're going to have to put all that terror of judgement from others shit behind you though. Get yourself an oversized hoody in the short term if you're really struggling then your composition is anyones guess.

Eat like a bird, train cleverly but intensely and don't stray from your regiment.

Your stack looks fine too, I'd run it long term and rotate Tren with equal dosages of Mast when it you need a 'rest' from sides.

[Powertard]

Okay

Honestly, it looks like I have never trained in my life right now. look similar to this: https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=Ob...gDANrGKD8XM%3A



I know I have all the satellite cells there etc and I know from past experience that I will blow back up again.

Insulin sensitivity must be totally destroyed right now from all the total shit I have been eating.

Just worried about all the fat cells...from my past experience with dieting whenever I get bellow about 12% bodyfat my mood goes to complete total *shit*, my sex drive completely fades into nothing, I get ravenously hungry all the time and have huge carb binges. My metabolic rate goes to nothing as well, I find I get about a -300 to-500 reduction on my BMR to where it ought to be from calculations when I get significantly bellow that seemingly biologically ingrained threshold of mine. Apparently this is due to Leptin coming right down which trashes your BMR and increases hunger.

Gah. Cannot believe I let myself slide like this.

I knew what was happening after xmas... First I stopped weighing my food at every meal, only "calorie dense" stuff like peanut butter etc, then I stopped weighing that and started eyeballing everything, then I sort of stopped doing my 500 kcal cardio sessions and brought them down to 300 kcal per session, then I eventually stopped the cardio then I stopped accurately eye balling my food then just stopped counting grams of protein...then my friend invited me to lunch he had a brownie and I thought "hey I haven't had one of those in ages why not!" then I stopped putting so much intensity into my weight training then I stopped for a week to "rest" and "heal" then I just never went back again.

Urgh.

[Powertard]

Right. Cannot train heavy anymore...lost my base from being a dickhead and not training.

Could German Volume training be of much use? PHUL etc? Between my SI joint damage, herniated discs, supraspinatus tear, bicep tendon pulley injury, pec major tear,
etc I reckon from past experience I could probably squat up to about 180 Kg Deadlift about 180-200 Kg and bench 100 or so Kg.

Just became burned out. I was pushing it super hard. Every workout felt like a job due to the physical pain I was in with every exercise on top of dieting super hard (1000+ deficit every day) no proper sleep for months due to neighbours keeping me awake until x.xx am partying...

[BBJMD]

Sounds like you have a very unhealthy relationship with food.

All of those sides will be caused by a calorie deficit, not your composition. So once you transition back into your (new) maintenance, they will pretty much go completely, so bear that in mind.

Do not plan a 'recomp'. Almost every instance I've seen has resulted in fat gain and/ or almost no change in LBM.

Diet. You said yourself you've lost pretty much all muscle, so you're a perfect candidate for a good strong diet. Which specific diet you choose is down to the one you respond best to mentally, and physically. There's no one best.

Consistency, tell yourself that every time you're tempted to let your regiment slip.

[Powertard]

I have always managed to recomp extremely well, I did that amazingly. I really just kept eating exactly at maintenance, used foods and managed to keep calories +-10 kcal per day variance after I had found my maintenance and used trenbolone acetate to grow in a calorie deficit and maintenance slowly over a long period of time. Just blasted it for very long periods and cycled on and off when I ended up getting no sleep, replacing it with masteron or NPP when I could no longer stand the night sweats etc. Went from clinically obese to shredded in not long! Always had extreme dietary control after I started training, had a beautiful relationship with food up until recently-ish. I had a horrible relationship with food and I turned it all around and viewed food entirely as a fuel source but unfortunately I come from a very overweight family and my grandmother ended up prompting my bad habits again, she is a big time comfort eater and whenever she sees people losing weight I believe she sabotages them because she seems insecure about her own body. When I lived with my grandparents I embarked on a cut and she even went and hid my scales so I couldn't weigh myself, whenever I would cook healthy stuff for my cut she would get angry at me for not eating her food and such like deserts and eventually wouldn't let me even cook my own food so I would end up having to sneak out when she went to sleep and prep up my chicken breast, green lentils etc and eat it in secret. When she cottoned on to that she ended up taking the fuse out of the cooker. She then eventually stopped doing that and cooked chicken breast for me and stuff but she would cook it all in a load of oil, after explaining that the oil adds a lot of calories to the meal and the transfats are inflammatory etc she just got angry at me and stopped letting me eat chicken breast so I ended up just having to stop my cut.

On my most recent cut where I ate entirely clean for months and months and felt AMAZING, didn't eat a single gram of sugar or any processed food at ALL for like 5 months and got shredded for the first time in my life, whenever I would go and visit her she would go and put apple pie and stuff in front of me or chocolate bars and get upset at me when I wouldn't eat it, I then explained to her that being deep into a cut the urge to cheat (binge) is extremely high and doing that isn't very kind and she got angry at me and accused me of being anorexic. Eventually I did binge, as is only human, and she started laughing at me as I was doing it. I then had to live there for a while again, brought all my own food such as oats, sweet potatoes, salmon, chicken breast etc and she flat out banned me from eating oats saying that they were "bad for my stomach". Once when I was eating oats for breakfast she actually wanted to take them away from me and started a huge argument as to why I wouldn't eat a big greasy fry up for breakfast... eventually I gave in and made one myself which fit my macros loosely with the zero calorie spray etc just so she wouldn't be upset but then after I did that she wouldn't let me even cook any more and started making me eat lasagne, jam sandwitches etc or I had nothing, when I tried to explain to her that my body was currently in a rebound state and eating that stuff would cause me to regain she got angry and said "I am not having food fights with you, eat it or have nothing" so I just eventually gave in, regained and then she turned around and said "well, I didn't realise you'd just blow back up again, this is your own fault."

Then the Gym was shut for 2 weeks over xmas, I put a bunch of weight back on and then just ended up relapsing.

Also my mother recently went on a cut, we started riding bikes together and it was really nice she lost some weight too and then my grandmother went and got weird about it and started baking tonnes of her favourite food like cheese straws and such and deserts, when she wouldn't eat them she would get all upset and make her feel like she "had" to eat it.

Eventually she gave in too, as is only human.

Don't mean to put the blame entirely on her obviously but deep into a cut and someone puts extremely calorie dense food in front of you at every waking turn... especially on EQ where you are hungry on it, I think you'd need to be a cyborg to eventually not give in.


Oh well, in the past. This is now.

I believe I could recomp, slowly, back to a good lean state in about 24 months. It will be HARD. I will have to employ IF, weigh all my food again etc.

Always been very gifted with blowing up in strength and size.

Anyway...I read about some guy recently who went from like 1000 lbs and bedbound to a 34 inch waist in something like 18 months lol so I am pretty sure that I can manage this ahah.

[Comerford]

At first,I have absolutely no intension to insult you.
But this my opinion,working in the health business for more than 3 decades.
I'm pretty sure,I told you before.
You have a big mental problem that you should work on before even thinking of talking any kind
of mood influencing drugs like AAS or androgenes.

[Powertard]

Yes you are correct. I do indeed have mental health issues, I am actively working on it. I am trying hard, it isn't easy at all.

Honestly, from past experience the only androgens that mess with me are halotestin, boldenone and methyltrienelone. Trenbolone does a little bit, past the 75 mg per day range, but mainly that is due to lack of sleep rather than the actual intrinsic effect of the hormone itself.

No insult taken, you are absolutely correct. Hormones and mentally unstable individuals do not mix.

[Powertard]

I reckon I could recomp on about 1800-2000 kcal. This will take forever but honestly slow and steady will win the race. You cannot force the body to do anything. It is like a game of tug of war really, you tug against your body and your body will just tug harder.

My secret weapon was chia seeds last time! That is how I managed to get my calories so extremely accurate day after day.

Just going to have to deal with all the loose skin again. Honestly that is what mentally did me in really. I put in a tonne of work, made the gym and diet my life and when I finally got really lean, I sort of ended up with this like pouch of loose skin hanging down which and at the top of my abs it was all just blured and I could literally make a fist full of skin if I grabbed it. My legs had horrible stretch marks all over them as well and lose skin on the insides of my thighs which rubbed and got all sore. Still had peripheral breast tissue too even when very lean. I remember just getting home one day after a tonne of cardio, like 2 hrs, trying to get the last of the "fat" off of me on my lower abs and it was all just visceral fat and lose skin which realistically you have next to zero chance of removing outside of surgery.

It was pretty upsetting really. and honestly I looked better at about 12% because my midsection was at least uniform rather than totally flat then just this stupid looking dangling mess of lose skin and empty fat cells stuck to the inside of it hanging off me. It was really disheartening to have worked relentlessly day in day out only to end up with a body which would have never been appealing or attractive physically without invasive costly private surgery.

I mean I showed so much dedication like you would not believe to have got that body. I didn't drink alcohol for my entire young adult life, I never even missed a workout. If I had a goal of a500 calorie cardio workout I would always do 501 calories on the equipment screen. If I had a goal of going for 10 Km I would do 10.1 Km. If I was aiming to intake say 1900 kcal that day and I wasn't too hungry I would do 1850.

I would always push myself and make sure to do a little bit more than what my goal was every time just so I could go to bed and be like "Yeah, I really worked hard today" and would get the greatest buzz from it.

When I would go clothes shopping for trousers etc I was always used to not finding anything due to my waist circumference and leg length, I remember when I could actually get stuff that fitted and it was such a buzz. THen I eventually had to ask the assistant for anything smaller and she said "no that is the smallest waist we do for that" and I felt so great. I remember the days of walking down the road when I was very overweight being treated like a giant wall for people to walk around and people literally crossing the road as I waddled down the road to avoid me or like walking on the edge of the pavement trying to distance themselves as far as possible from me then I remember the days of people actually treating me like a normal human being people not doing that to me anymore then I remember the days of actually getting a look from a woman for the first time in my life and I was like "why is she looking at me like that?" and then when I got lean I had women approaching me and stuff and flirting but I honestly thought they were just joking around because I couldn't believe that I actually managed to be attractive.

I honestly never thought that I could manage to even be appealing, I honestly had given up on ever having that dimension of life available to me.

[Powertard]

Okay...

Macros:
200 g carb 160 g prot 60 g Fat...1980 kcal for training days
150 g carb 160 g prot 60 fat for rest days

Routine:
No real one for now. Just re-establish good habits. Train high frequency...5 times a week just intense. Focus stimulating the muscle with compound movements and burn calories.
Cardio:
Just walking about.
Swimnming.


...this guy managed to do very well with recomp in a mere 4 months!